today started off as a really lovely day. it was sunny, i had flowery clothes on and on the agenda was a presentation with my friends, a walk through nature with another good friend and a work night with my girls.
the presenation was a real laugh, we werent really sure what we were talking about but we had fun while we were doing it :) and i got to spend some time with girls ive known for two years, but never get time to hang out with. girls, giggles and the sunshine. lovely.
jaffa took me walking over the old hills this afternoon, and it was truely lovely. i got to roll down the hills which i havent done in years. i climbed a tree, i bleated at the lambs, i jumped in puddles, i ran through daffodils and i played on a rope swing. i was allowed to be a little girl again.
i was truely happy, i was allowed to sit on a hill and just be for a little bit. i remembered things, i laughed, i cried and i felt alot. just being sat amongst trees and listening to the birds. it was beautiful. and i was happy. the happiest ive been in a long time.
then i came to see my girls, stopping briefly to have a quick rant at a lovely lecturer who knows far too much about my life than she probably should!
we planned an all nighter, and before obviously comes a little fun on facebook. this is where the trouble began, i was having friendly banter with a friend about a photo on facebook, and apparently friendly banter isnt a phrase understood by all.
when some thinks youre "trying to steal somebodys boyfriend" the only evidence they need is something they can make up themselves. so....this obviously leads to five people commenting about the worst things you think about yourself on a public website. what makes it worse is that these people dont know you, theyre just out to hurt someones feelings for a kick.
and i felt that kick.
"wow mate...i didnt know you were all about saving the whales"
"didnt know you had a cow dude!"
"apparently she lost her manners along side her golden weight..."
"does being fat make you rude too? he has a girlfriend!"
im very aware he has a girlfriend. but he also has friends. apparently that isnt allowed anymore.
my girls tried to back me up, but i was aware that whatever we said was adding fuel to the fire. but i couldnt let it go.
those who know me are aware that i dont let many things get to me, and i let even fewer affect me to the extent i show it.
but when people that dont know you, or anything about you, simply see you as a target for their abuse.
its not fair.
its not nice.
its just plain fucking rude.
and it hurts. it really does.
i thought the days of being bullied were over with school. i thought people grew up.
i know its not the end of the world, my girls made me laugh, my friends offered words of comfort and advice.
and then a text made me smile, really smile. and cry, because it was from the friend who took me to the hills, and saw me like the little girl i used to be-
"the place i showed you today, the girl rolling down that slope was beautiful because she laughed and smiled and have fun. fuck anyone else who says otherwise. trust me xx"
things are bad, things are good...but things always have a way of making you smile.