apples and cuddles

Red and green-

Green-

Apple.

Appetising?

Appealing?

Almost....

....Enough.

Engjoyable?

Eaten?

I like apples :)

**************

A heart's a flutter,

these feelings de-clutter,

when i lie inside your arms.

Minute by minute...

Days fly by,

while i lie,

encaptured in your arms.

Minute by minute....

Smile leaves lips,

as time it slips,

ending this scene in your arms.

Minute by minute....

A wave goodbye,

inside i cry,

until i'm back in your arms.

Scared

She's scared of the things going through her head,
She's scared of the monsters under her bed.
She's frightened these feelings just won't go away,
She's frightened they'll ruin the end of her day.
She's terrified from now on this is the way-

Each day will end, each night will begin.

Blocking the mind, and what lies within.

She sleeps with the night light, to keep her safe,

She sleeps knowing no difference that light will make. 

She lies there still, frozen with fears.

She lies there too scared to shout or shed tears.

"Big girls aren't scared, and big girls don't cry" 

But big girls aren't scared of that thing in the corner of your eye.

But she doesn't feel big, and she doesn't feel right,

She's a scared little princess, who gets scared at night.

theres no place like home

currently, ive been back home, back as a resident of bristol for 8 days.
and im loving it.

moving back here was the hardest thing i've done in a long time, saying goodbye to friends that i'd never live with again, leaving the job ive had for the last however long, packing up the room which has held so many wonderful memories for me.
and saying goodbye to the boy.
desperatly trying to stay up all night, grasping the few hours left before moving away.
to some, that may seem over dramatic. but for those who have had to said goodbye to their partner, knowing that everything changes from the moment you leave is the most heart wrenching thing.
because once you leave, everything changes.

i know we'll be ok, because we have to be.
we're soulmates <3

new job time, working at my new place im finally getting a chance to put my people skills to use. making connections with some amazing new people, making new friends.
new life, back home.
i love it :)

sunshine,,,

sunshine is a wonderful thing, it makes everything seem that little bit brighter, beautiful and positive.
even on the darkest day, a little sunshine turns everything around.
walking through manchester with the sun shining, my summery clothes on, holding hands with the boy is lovely. exactly the mini time off i needed before the next few weeks really kick in...



sunshine.
smiles.
love.
all you need really :)

relationships

are hard.
compromises arent always met.
ho hum.

no more "ifs" and no more "buts"

so im sat here watching Wrestlmania, with the girls, the lads and the boy and i have a spare few minutes, so naturally i start over-thinking things.
firstly, money. its a commodity i dont care for, and i long for a world where theres a different form of trade- you work for something you want or need, instead of working for the money, the middle man which just makes things more difficult.
happily, id go back to trading chickens :)

love, in all its forms. it seems that as love for one grows, others dismiss the love you have for them- because to some it seems that you cant love your lover, and your friends, the same ammount- when you quite clearly can, in different ways.
strange no?
id like people to allow the balance, it'd be nice please.

next year- finnally got the ball rolling, and started applying for jobs. one of which is up north, a long way away for sure....away from my friends, my family and my boy. but an amazing job in theatre, im not sure if id go, but who knows what the outcome will be?

live, laugh, love <3

umbrolly

my mind is very strange.
the most amazing things are happening in my life at the moment- im in love with an amazing boy, i have a few months until my 'real life' begins and actually have ideas about what i want to do with it, the sun is shining, and it finally feels like things are slowly but surely falling into place.
but theres still a funk to be stuck in.
a grey storm cloud.

but ive got my umbrella just in case :)

motivation

recently the feeling of motivation i always used to hold, and treasure has slipped from me.
i used to strive for the grades in my course, want to do well in essays and performances i took part in, perfection was something i was always working for.
but recently, i just dont have that drive.
the care, the want to do well isnt there anymore.

theatre was my passion, deep down somewhere in my heart it still is and always will be, but currently not even that is pulling any motivation or creativity from within.
creativitiy leaving me is a terrible feeling, its the thing ive always been able to rely on.

my course used to stimulate me, excite me and show oppurtunities. now, it seems mundane. the want for perfect grades has left, leaving a want to float through, doing the bare minimum.

i miss my creativity.

shall we test drive it?

the start of 2011 has been interesting, challenging, heartfelt, frightening and...everything i thought it would be :)
since the1st of janurary, ive had talks which have changed everything with certain people and changed me, ive fallen in love again (after thinking id never feel that way again...), ive seen best friends achieve their dreams, friends who ive lost after years of friendship, ive been admitted to hospital as an emergency case, and ive laughed.
ive laughed alot in the last month or so :)

talking- talking without barriers allows you to open yourself up, to share things with a certain person and to share, and discover ideas that might have never been shared before.
im a big believer in talking things through, for a while anyhoo. i believe that after a certain ammount of time talking will only hold you back, if you've spoken about it enough then going over old ground again will be just that. going over old ground. talk is good, for a while.
but talking for other reasons can be amazing. two people talking can achieve something amazing.
you can get to a test drive situation :)
which turns into something more permenant <3

love- this is a feeling i didnt think id feel again for a very long time, if ever. i was prepared for that- but now ive felt it again, its the most terrifying sensation but one im so excited about. this is a new adventure, and its one i dont want to end.
i have my boy, and now my soppy rant is over.

one of my best friends achieved her dreams this year, after years of training and.,....stuff (i dont know as i dont do it) she got accepted into the drama school of her dreams <3 im so very proud of her, and hope she knows this.
its given me the drive to strive for what i want- and i know il get there.

friendships. difficult to explain. some grow, some diminish, many change. ive lost friends, ive gained friends, and i've moved around in peoples lives.
losing someone, when you've tried your absolute hardest to hold on to them is the most gut wrenching, sole destroying feeling in the world.
but ive started to belive that whatever doesnt kill you makes you stronger.
<3

new year, new times, same cole

Another lovely year.
And ive got a feeling its going to be lovely. It really really is.
Ive learnt alot over the past year, all of which is stored up to make 2011 a year of fulfilling amazing dreams, and chasing after what i want. Even if it isnt always caught, sometimes the chase can be where you learn so much more than once you reach the end.
This year will hold friends, family, excitement, happiness, the unexpected, challenges which i will succeed in, and of course. Love <3 (and copious amounts of tea!)
Im a true believer in head over heels, gut wrenching, knocks you off your feet love.
It comes in all forms, but this might just be the right year.
So lets get going shall we.

Live. Laugh. Love