Friday, 25 February 2011


recently the feeling of motivation i always used to hold, and treasure has slipped from me.
i used to strive for the grades in my course, want to do well in essays and performances i took part in, perfection was something i was always working for.
but recently, i just dont have that drive.
the care, the want to do well isnt there anymore.

theatre was my passion, deep down somewhere in my heart it still is and always will be, but currently not even that is pulling any motivation or creativity from within.
creativitiy leaving me is a terrible feeling, its the thing ive always been able to rely on.

my course used to stimulate me, excite me and show oppurtunities. now, it seems mundane. the want for perfect grades has left, leaving a want to float through, doing the bare minimum.

i miss my creativity.

Thursday, 17 February 2011

shall we test drive it?

the start of 2011 has been interesting, challenging, heartfelt, frightening and...everything i thought it would be :)
since the1st of janurary, ive had talks which have changed everything with certain people and changed me, ive fallen in love again (after thinking id never feel that way again...), ive seen best friends achieve their dreams, friends who ive lost after years of friendship, ive been admitted to hospital as an emergency case, and ive laughed.
ive laughed alot in the last month or so :)

talking- talking without barriers allows you to open yourself up, to share things with a certain person and to share, and discover ideas that might have never been shared before.
im a big believer in talking things through, for a while anyhoo. i believe that after a certain ammount of time talking will only hold you back, if you've spoken about it enough then going over old ground again will be just that. going over old ground. talk is good, for a while.
but talking for other reasons can be amazing. two people talking can achieve something amazing.
you can get to a test drive situation :)
which turns into something more permenant <3

love- this is a feeling i didnt think id feel again for a very long time, if ever. i was prepared for that- but now ive felt it again, its the most terrifying sensation but one im so excited about. this is a new adventure, and its one i dont want to end.
i have my boy, and now my soppy rant is over.

one of my best friends achieved her dreams this year, after years of training and.,....stuff (i dont know as i dont do it) she got accepted into the drama school of her dreams <3 im so very proud of her, and hope she knows this.
its given me the drive to strive for what i want- and i know il get there.

friendships. difficult to explain. some grow, some diminish, many change. ive lost friends, ive gained friends, and i've moved around in peoples lives.
losing someone, when you've tried your absolute hardest to hold on to them is the most gut wrenching, sole destroying feeling in the world.
but ive started to belive that whatever doesnt kill you makes you stronger.