umbrolly

my mind is very strange.
the most amazing things are happening in my life at the moment- im in love with an amazing boy, i have a few months until my 'real life' begins and actually have ideas about what i want to do with it, the sun is shining, and it finally feels like things are slowly but surely falling into place.
but theres still a funk to be stuck in.
a grey storm cloud.

but ive got my umbrella just in case :)

motivation

recently the feeling of motivation i always used to hold, and treasure has slipped from me.
i used to strive for the grades in my course, want to do well in essays and performances i took part in, perfection was something i was always working for.
but recently, i just dont have that drive.
the care, the want to do well isnt there anymore.

theatre was my passion, deep down somewhere in my heart it still is and always will be, but currently not even that is pulling any motivation or creativity from within.
creativitiy leaving me is a terrible feeling, its the thing ive always been able to rely on.

my course used to stimulate me, excite me and show oppurtunities. now, it seems mundane. the want for perfect grades has left, leaving a want to float through, doing the bare minimum.

i miss my creativity.

shall we test drive it?

the start of 2011 has been interesting, challenging, heartfelt, frightening and...everything i thought it would be :)
since the1st of janurary, ive had talks which have changed everything with certain people and changed me, ive fallen in love again (after thinking id never feel that way again...), ive seen best friends achieve their dreams, friends who ive lost after years of friendship, ive been admitted to hospital as an emergency case, and ive laughed.
ive laughed alot in the last month or so :)

talking- talking without barriers allows you to open yourself up, to share things with a certain person and to share, and discover ideas that might have never been shared before.
im a big believer in talking things through, for a while anyhoo. i believe that after a certain ammount of time talking will only hold you back, if you've spoken about it enough then going over old ground again will be just that. going over old ground. talk is good, for a while.
but talking for other reasons can be amazing. two people talking can achieve something amazing.
you can get to a test drive situation :)
which turns into something more permenant <3

love- this is a feeling i didnt think id feel again for a very long time, if ever. i was prepared for that- but now ive felt it again, its the most terrifying sensation but one im so excited about. this is a new adventure, and its one i dont want to end.
i have my boy, and now my soppy rant is over.

one of my best friends achieved her dreams this year, after years of training and.,....stuff (i dont know as i dont do it) she got accepted into the drama school of her dreams <3 im so very proud of her, and hope she knows this.
its given me the drive to strive for what i want- and i know il get there.

friendships. difficult to explain. some grow, some diminish, many change. ive lost friends, ive gained friends, and i've moved around in peoples lives.
losing someone, when you've tried your absolute hardest to hold on to them is the most gut wrenching, sole destroying feeling in the world.
but ive started to belive that whatever doesnt kill you makes you stronger.
<3

new year, new times, same cole

Another lovely year.
And ive got a feeling its going to be lovely. It really really is.
Ive learnt alot over the past year, all of which is stored up to make 2011 a year of fulfilling amazing dreams, and chasing after what i want. Even if it isnt always caught, sometimes the chase can be where you learn so much more than once you reach the end.
This year will hold friends, family, excitement, happiness, the unexpected, challenges which i will succeed in, and of course. Love <3 (and copious amounts of tea!)
Im a true believer in head over heels, gut wrenching, knocks you off your feet love.
It comes in all forms, but this might just be the right year.
So lets get going shall we.

Live. Laugh. Love

miss, ive got bonk.

look for the silver lining.
the glass is half full, not half empty.
its all going to be ok.
and something ive realised now, is that everything will always be ok in the end :)

through life, we're all handed challenges for some reason or another- be it personal growth, god, fate, karma...take your pick- but theres always a reason behind it. it just happens that sometimes its hard to see until afterwards.

life is a journey, with many different paths ultimately leading to the same destination. i truly do believe that theres something planned for us by some other power, once again im not sure as to what, and although we may take a different, and sometimes more difficult route than intended, we get to where we're meant to in the end.
sometimes challenging, sometimes uplifting,sometimes neither. but every twist and turn we take is to be taken as a lesson, it helps make us who we will be.
it sounds rather preachy this,but its a realisation ive had recently and its helped alot

And now i know that "One Day"...

• I'll have perfected my baking, and make my own wedding cake.
• I will open my very own bakery, with creations dedicated to my friends and  open mic nights on thursday evenings.
• I'll fall head over heels with the person im meant for.
• I'll marry the man who deserves me, and who i deserve.
• I'll be a mother when im ready. 
• Im going to travel the world. 
• I'll be Beatrice in a professional performance of "Much Ado About Nothing"
• I'll have the life im working for <3

Im ready. Lets go.

Live. Laugh. Love.

cloudy

sometimes everything feels like it should.
sometimes everything feels like it shouldnt.
things fall perfectly into place, then just as easily they shatter from the slightest touch.
uncertainty with situations are fine, but with emotions. it hurts.

happiness

its a lovely feeling.
when everything seems to fall into place.
terrified things with fall apart, but for now they seem to hold.
happy cole :)
sun is shining, the friends, family and the boy <3


theres always a reason to smile.
xxx