cloudy

sometimes everything feels like it should.
sometimes everything feels like it shouldnt.
things fall perfectly into place, then just as easily they shatter from the slightest touch.
uncertainty with situations are fine, but with emotions. it hurts.

happiness

its a lovely feeling.
when everything seems to fall into place.
terrified things with fall apart, but for now they seem to hold.
happy cole :)
sun is shining, the friends, family and the boy <3


theres always a reason to smile.
xxx

thought i'd forgotten

a text from a face you thought you'd forgotten.
a kind word from a mouth you never though would speak again.
a memory rises you'd tried hard to push down.
pulls at the heart you thought you'd locked away.


Colin Hay <3


I drink good coffee every morning
Comes from a place that's far away
And when I'm done I feel like talking
Without you here there is less to say
I don't want you thinking I'm unhappy
What is closer to the truth
That if I lived till I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
I'm no longer moved to drink strong whisky
'Cause I shook the hand of time and I knew
That if I lived till I could no longer climb my stairs
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
Your face it dances and it haunts me
Your laughter's still ringing in my ears
I still find pieces of your presence here
Even after all these years
But I don't want you thinking I don't get asked to dinner
'Cause I'm here to say that I sometimes do
Even though I may soon feel the touch of love
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
If I lived till I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

dont

dont complain about things if you're not willing to do anything to change them.
dont complain about how people broke your heart, lied to you, were something they werent- and then meet them for a coffee.
dont say i dont listen when its all im trying to do.
dont focus on the negetive when everyone else is pointing towards the positive.
dont tell me my views are wrong, just because they're not the same as yours.
dont lie, when the truth will come out.
dont tell me im important. then when i turn around im not.
dont give me that attitude, cause il give more than you ever could.

and over to you...

ive now realised that no matter how much i hope for something, there are just some things i cant change by myself.
i cant make people realise how much good they have in their lives, they have to open up their eyes and see past the darkness.
its impossible to make somebody feel something, no matter how much you want them to.
its also impossible to make people keep a promise to you, even if it breaks your heart to see the promise broken.
and even if you wish for something with everything you have, you can never make someone tell the truth until they want to.

but you can make yourself :)
i realise the good, i open my eyes, i feel everything, i keep promises i make, and the truth is the foundation.
some people just dont realise.
<3

realisation

some people are always going to lie, be it family, friends or polticans. they're always going to.
they pull at your heart strings, because you care. but you belive them because if you dont, the worst could happen.
the pain for being lied to is more managable than the pain of knowing you couldve helped if something went wrong.
so you carry on like a good person, but being a good person doesnt always mean its painfree.

simple things

walks in the rain. running through daffodils. rolling down hills. finger painting. painting in general. making a mess. baking cakes and licking the bowl afterwards. kneading bread. standing in a hot shower for ages, steaming up the mirror to write messages on it. singing even though its not in tune. dancing even though i have no rhythm. telling stories. drawing pictures. learning new things. banging on drums. playing the saxophone. kisses on my forehead. kisses on my lips. hugs. chats in the middle of the night. pub gardens. cheesey chips after a night out. dancing like a loon in the middle of a club. knowing my friends are always with me. believing in something else, although not sure exactly what that is. knowing i have an extra ten minutes in bed. duvet days. finishing an essay. walking across a stage. the sense of happiness when an audience applauses. reading poems. jumping in the deep end of the swimming pool. watching fishes. daydreaming. doing something i never thought i could. falling in love, even though it terrifies me. finding out that person likes you back. toast with butter&jam. going home. being here. walking in the night. summer evenings. going to new places. meeting new people. looking at photos. reading through my diary. dyeing my hair. laughing for so long it hurts. laughing so loud people turn around. ribena. comedy. tragedy. writing letters to friends. getting letters from friends. cups of tea. bottles of beer. jager shots. that warm feeling you get after a sip of whiskey. birthday cake. the feeling on sand underneath your feet. making buttercream. knowing you make one person so happy without even trying. accepting whats what. knowing youve done a good thing. karma. being tipped at work. happy customers. acting like a child. late night invitations. people smiling. people getting on.

:)